Day 21.2: Sushi!

So I can now say, not a fan. I like the rice; super tasty and warm. But the fish is just weird to me. Even so, I’ll eat it if it’s given to me, thank you Dad, but given a choice I will pick something else. I went to a sushi kaiten tonight with another nihonjin friend: Satoru san, and had six dollars worth of sushi. And I ate it all, but it just wasn’t… well, good. So yeah, can now say the in general, no, to sushi.Β He said whilst living in Japan.

But cool thing, the place we went to had french fries which were pretty good. They also had ice cream. ^^ Japanese people might have these foods, but that don’t mean they always know hows to eats em! I showed Satoru-san that in America you sometimes eat them together, Wendy’s, and I think he faced it with the same courage I portrayed. I’m not sure that he disliked it, though I don’t really think he will be doing it again. πŸ™‚

O yeah! So after I finally fell asleep this morning at o… 2:30ish. I woke up by the grace of God and got up to go to Kyoukai! Church. Boy howdy, I thought my classes were rough. At least in Japanese class, it’s normal for me to not know stuff. I’m there to learn the language afterall; but church, well, I’ve kinda been doing for a while. As in, I literally can’t remember not being associated with a church for longer than a month in my life. But this- this was very trying. I felt like I was getting a little more out of it than the pastor’s daughter though. Did I mention she is 1 year old! So cute ^^

But I’m very glad to be there even if I literally seem like a doe in headlights…which I really do look like here, I’m learning. Including me there were 7 people there today. Now my small groups at home, the smallest one I had was 7. I’ve heard about small churches, and church plantations how they have to grow; My best friends’ parents did it so I have a really close source. Thing is, I was never part of that planting phase. I was always around during the fruit time. Which I guess makes sense, ya know, come of age and you finally get to help Papa in his garden. It’s weird to me, cuz while I feel like I’m drowning, I can’t help but feel like I want to be here, to be a beacon drawing others in. We’re called to be lights in this world right? ^^ And I’m really starting to hit a sore point with God.

I haven’t really had a family member pass away in my circle of knowledge. I had two great grandmothers who I loved very much pass when I was in high school, but age is a part of this world and the inevitable wasn’t unexpected. In the years leading up to their passing, I didn’t get to see them much, and so they haven’t really changed status in my head. Which-It’s weird, I dunno. But I’m starting to understand the loss that is supposed to be there. Loosely. Mainly the desire to see someone- strong desire- and being unable. Death however, is a much more permanent barrier than the one I’m looking through.

I’ve never had to feel that before. I’ve always been able to tune out loneliness or longing so long as I had another friend who I could be with. Well, not always and apparently I had forgotten just how I felt then. Woah; that’s an intense thought train. But neway now I’m fighting to get off my small English boat and step out onto those waves.

Before I left for Japan I was absolutely sure that I would either find a way to live there permanently, or work in someway with the nation. And after the summer, I was really excited with the prospect of becoming a missionary and doing that. This is that sore spot I mentioned earlier. How far am I willing to go to follow God? How much will I leave behind? That’s not to say I won’t have anything again as all in this world comes and goes with it’s season. But some things I just don’t want to let go of. Now I’m not to say that God actually does want me here permanently though he does want me RIGHT where I am for the time being. It’s more the heart issue I’m wrestling with. Not “God, I can’t live in Japan you’re crazy!” rather my heart is reluctant to go anywhere God would send me. And this is not good.

To let go of family and friends; that is, to give up control over those situations, and relationships; that is a very hard thing to do. To say it is OK if we never meet again because God has it working. He didn’t leave the pot on the stove to answer the door of someone else knocking. It’s true, but it’s a hard thing to accept.

Woo that was happy super fun time! Now I think I’m gonna try to find rest and something to make me smile. Bai Bai!

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. samknitsky
    Oct 06, 2013 @ 14:15:08

    All my burps taste bad XO

    Reply

  2. Nanna
    Oct 11, 2013 @ 03:24:31

    The alternative of going where God wants you to go is probably a life empty of all He has for you. If you think you have felt empty now, it doesn’t compare to how it would feel not being with Him or losing Him. Trust me – you don’t want that! πŸ™‚ Love you!

    Reply

  3. shelleebrooke
    Oct 13, 2013 @ 22:41:02

    Reblogged this on shelleebrooke and commented:
    I’m so pleased you found some Japanese Christian friends and a church. Talk about language and culture emersion (sp?). Can’t wait to talk to you. Miss you do much. I still keep thinking you’re gonna walk in and play Smallworld with Ash. We have your car and hug pillow and games.

    I can’t believe it’s been a month but in ways it seems so much longer. Ash is having a hard time getting motivated in school. I think she’s really burned out. She’s had 6 internship interviews and has one more this week. And she went to all of the pre-interview parties. And she was up all night navigating for the Rsm pickup group. She’ll have to tell you all about it herself. Hopefully she’ll have an answer by the time we can Skype.

    Reply

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